Another Toasty Bit

Time for another crunchy bit of writing goodness.

This week, we host our first guest writer. Please give a warm round of space bar taps to…Michelle Rau. (Tap, tap tap.) Michelle is a fellow Pacific Northwest writer who can be followed on twitter: @mirautweets

Please enjoy Michelle’s croutons of written word…

The other day, I realized I’d “fallen off the wagon” as far as my diet and exercise efforts go. I wondered: If I were “on the wagon,” what would the name of my recovery program be? What would I be recovering from? I decided that “laziness” was a good enough (bad enough?) vice for purposes of idle speculation.

I decided that the 12 steps of my very small (as in 1 person) local chapter of “Sloths Anonymous” might look something like this.

Admitted we were powerless over slothfulness — that our lives had become lazy. It was just so…easy.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves (a cattle prod, perhaps?) could restore us to normal activity levels.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the innate tendency for human beings to fidget, thereby participating in a minimum of physical activity.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our pantries and refrigerators.
Admitted to ourselves, and to our Twitter followers, the exact nature of our overindulgences.
Were entirely ready to have loved ones remove all potato chips from the snack drawer.
Humbly asked for the strength to remove our shortcomings, and to donate the clothes that no longer fit even though we really like them. Especially the purple and black tights.
Made a list of all persons we had deprived of the last chocolate chip cookie, and became willing to make pies for them all.
Made pies for such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cause them to be slothful too.
Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were lazy, promptly admitted it and put the remote on the coffee table instead of leaving it in our laps so we have to stretch to change the program.
Sought through reflection, journaling, and posting gym selfies on social media to improve our conscious contact with the above mentioned Innate Tendency, praying only for knowledge of the sports that will keep us most engaged and the power to choose comfortable sport socks without painful toe seams.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we share this message with Facebook friends and followers, and to practice these principles so we can eventually hit the ball before it bounces twice.