cat eye

It was so embarrassing when I had to get glasses in the third grade. Those wire-rimmed behemoths were my fast ticket to nerddom. At that time in history, the way-back-not-telling-you-so-don’t-ask years, glasses played a purely functional role. There was no accounting for taste. The eye doctor himself fitted the frames on my face, tersely asking, “gold or silver?” Apparently the frame catalog of sizes and styles contained information that would fit on a double-sided postcard.

At some point in the not-too-distant past, someone came up with the brilliant idea that glasses can be a fashion accessory. Lightweight. colorful plastic became a thing, and suddenly the telltale nose pad indents were a distant memory, making the swimming cap the only recognizable fashion faux pas every summer at the pool. Dark rims, cool colors, and funky shapes – decorative facewear was here to stay.  Even my little gold-rimmed bully beacons took on a new name: vintage style.

All of this makes one aspect of aging a little easier. What we trendy folk call, “readers,” these little half-magnifying glass perched at the end of the nose have been incorporated into the world of fashionable facewear. No longer chained around the neck like a mid-life device of self- torture, they can be stored in a pocket or purse, only to be retrieved when serious thought or consideration is to be portrayed. (We are nothing if not thoughtfully stylish.) They come in just as many styles and colors as the regular glasses, at half the size and double the statement.

Piercings? New body art? Don’t need them. We’ve got readers. If there were a red carpet for middle age, we would walk it purposefully (wearing our equally-trendy comfortable shoes) and wave to the crowds. The adoring paparazzi would yell, “who are you wearing?”

“Bausch and Lomb,” we would respond, tipping our heads down slightly to view them from over the top of our stylish frames.